Ep 5 – How To Begin Assessment Session 4: What To Say and How To Say It (Ep 2 of a 3 episode series)

Do you ever get stuck on how to begin your sessions? Do you find that just saying “How are you?” leads to a lack focus and wastes precious time? Do you struggle to find the words to describe the work ahead? If so, this series of three episodes of The NYCEFT Podcast is for you! Listen in as Wendy Tomkiel, experienced EFT therapist and supervisor, and founding member of NYCEFT shares her expertise and wisdom on how to open the first session, the individual sessions, the fourth assessment session, ongoing Stage 1 sessions vs Stage II sessions, and how to begin sessions with couples with different cycles, e.g. attack/attack, withdraw/withdraw. Each episode with Jeff and Wendy is packed with specific tips and languaging that you can use right away with your couples. 

In this episode (Ep 2 of the three part series) Wendy first outlines her approach to opening the fourth session in the assessment process with a focus on highlighting strengths of the couple, acknowledging each partner’s courage to risk vulnerability, and outlining the feedback she’ll be providing so couples can know what to expect. Jeff and Wendy then discuss how to provide feedback to escalated couples who do not have mutually agreed upon goals vs less reactive couples who are more aligned on the outcome they’re hoping for. Wendy also discusses the pitfalls of opening sessions with too general a question like, “How are you?” and offers specific alternatives that are more structured and directive. 

For more information about Wendy Tomkiel, visit:

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