NEW YORK CENTER FOR EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY

The NYCEFT Video Podcast


Ep 1 - Brief History and Mission of NYCEFT with Zoya Simakhodskaya

Zoya Simakhodskaya, Executive Director and Vice President of NYCEFT, talks about the early days of NYCEFT, gives a quick history of how the organization was founded, and walks us through the journey and evolution of the organization from its founding to today’s projects and programs. Zoya and Jeff discuss some of the most prominent topics and conversations that the community is engaged in currently, most importantly, diversity and race, as well as upcoming workshops and training opportunities.

Ep 2 - Hold Me Tight Workshops with Regina Bordieri and Carolyn McIntyre

What are “Hold Me Tight” workshops? What are “demon dialogues” and “negative cycles”? Jeff Fine hosts Regina Bordieri and Carolyn McIntyre, who have developed a unique virtual format of the popular Hold Me Tight Workshops for couples. Regina and Carolyn provide a brief history of these educational workshops originally designed by Sue Johnson, who is credited with discovering the science behind love and bonding. The workshops include structured exercises (done in breakout rooms) that teach couples how to identify the negative cycles that keep them stuck in rigid patterns that block their connection. Couples learn how to move from blaming each other to treating the negative cycle as their common enemy which they can defeat together. Carolyn and Regina highlight their emphasis on creating a safe, deshaming, and supportive environment where there is a high ratio of assistants to participants. They also talk about some of their expanded material such as touch, intimacy, and sex, and family messages about emotional communication.

For more information about the Hold Me Tight Workshops, visit www.onlineholdmetight.com

Ep 3 - Covid Related Hate and Violence Towards Asian and Pacific Islander Communities in the USA

In this episode of the NYCEFT Podcast, Peggy Wu, PhD, psychotherapist/mother/professor, and Chinese American, shares her professional insights and personal experiences regarding the recent increase in Covid related hate and violence towards the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community in the US. Further, as a marriage and family therapist, professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, and board member at NYCEFT, as well as one who regularly hears from clients who are traumatized by the effects of anti-Asian sentiment, Peggy is ideally positioned to talk with us about this disturbing trend. Peggy first helps to clarify who is considered Asian, and who within the AAPI community is being targeted. Peggy describes the most urgent concerns of people from the community, including not feeling safe, increased anxiety and depression, and feelings of isolation. Other topics discussed include the pain and challenges for Asian adoptees with white parents, mix race couples, and the “model minority” myth. Peggy encourages people who are impacted to first identify and give space to their emotions so that they can adequately process their feelings. Then she recommends organizations that can offer help and support. Peggy also discusses how therapists can reach out to clients with cultural sensitivity, and emphasizes that those in the AAPI community do not have to deal with their feelings alone when experiencing hate and violence.

Resources for Asians and Pacific Islanders:


Asian American Federation https://www.aafederation.org/

NYC Well: https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/

I Hollaback: https://www.ihollaback.org

Ep 4 - How To Begin Sessions: "How are you?" is not enough (Ep 1 of a 3 episode series)

Do you ever get stuck on how to begin your sessions? Do you find that just saying “How are you?” leads to a lack focus and wastes precious time? Do you struggle to find the words to describe the work ahead? If so, this series of three episodes of The NYCEFT Podcast is for you! Listen in as Wendy Tomkiel, experienced EFT therapist and supervisor, and founding member of NYCEFT shares her expertise and wisdom on how to open the first session, the individual sessions, the fourth assessment session, ongoing Stage 1 sessions vs Stage II sessions, and how to begin sessions with couples with different cycles, e.g. attack/attack, withdraw/withdraw. Each episode with Jeff and Wendy is packed with specific tips and languaging that you can use right away with your couples.

In this episode (Ep 1 of the three part series) Wendy first begins by highlighting that what we say at the beginning of sessions is crucial for creating the all important safe alliance with your clients. Wendy then expertly guides us on how to open the very first minute of the very first session, how to respond to clients’ questions, what to share about yourself, what to say about the model, the assessment process, and much more!

For more information about Wendy Tomkiel, visit:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wendy-tomkiel-new-york-ny/58817

Ep 5 - How To Begin Assessment Session 4: What To Say and How To Say It (Ep 2 of a 3 episode series)


Do you ever get stuck on how to begin your sessions? Do you find that just saying “How are you?” leads to a lack focus and wastes precious time? Do you struggle to find the words to describe the work ahead? If so, this series of three episodes of The NYCEFT Podcast is for you! Listen in as Wendy Tomkiel, experienced EFT therapist and supervisor, and founding member of NYCEFT shares her expertise and wisdom on how to open the first session, the individual sessions, the fourth assessment session, ongoing Stage 1 sessions vs Stage II sessions, and how to begin sessions with couples with different cycles, e.g. attack/attack, withdraw/withdraw. Each episode with Jeff and Wendy is packed with specific tips and languaging that you can use right away with your couples. 

In this episode (Ep 2 of the three part series) Wendy first outlines her approach to opening the fourth session in the assessment process with a focus on highlighting strengths of the couple, acknowledging each partner’s courage to risk vulnerability, and outlining the feedback she’ll be providing so couples can know what to expect. Jeff and Wendy then discuss how to provide feedback to escalated couples who do not have mutually agreed upon goals vs less reactive couples who are more aligned on the outcome they're hoping for. Wendy also discusses the pitfalls of opening sessions with too general a question like, “How are you?” and offers specific alternatives that are more structured and directive. 

For more information about Wendy Tomkiel, visit:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wendy-tomkiel-new-york-ny/58817


Ep 6 - How To Begin Sessions: Stage I vs Stage II, Different Cycles (Attack/Attack, Withdraw/Withdraw) (Ep 3 of a 3 episode series)

Do you ever get stuck on how to begin your sessions? Do you find that just saying “How are you?” leads to a lack focus and wastes precious time? Do you struggle to find the words to describe the work ahead? If so, this series of three episodes of The NYCEFT Podcast is for you! Listen in as Wendy Tomkiel, experienced EFT therapist and supervisor, and founding member of NYCEFT shares her expertise and wisdom on how to open the first session, the individual sessions, the fourth assessment session, ongoing Stage 1 sessions vs Stage II sessions, and how to begin sessions with couples with different cycles, e.g. attack/attack, withdraw/withdraw. Each episode with Jeff and Wendy is packed with specific tips and languaging that you can use right away with your couples.  

In this episode (Ep 3 of the three part series) Wendy and Jeff discuss strategies for Stage I and Stage II sessions. Wendy begins by explaining the differences between the two stages. She then discusses how to open a session by asking for a specific example of how the couple got pulled into their cycle, and the importance of asking if  there were any improvements in dealing with it. She emphasizes the importance of keeping the session emotionally focused, and describes different responses based on how the couple is showing up. Jeff and Wendy talk about different approaches therapists can use with attack/attack and withdraw/withdraw cycles, and how to maintain safety by setting ground rules and reminding partners about their goals. They also explain how the nervous system may respond, and they reflect on how the art of therapy facilitates the couple’s working alliance with the therapist.  

For more information about Wendy Tomkiel, visit:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wendy-tomkiel-new-york-ny/58817
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